More Jealousy? Let’s talk about it.
The third opportunity for jealousy is the fear of loss.
According to TherapyRoute.com, jealousy born of loss is a specific form of jealousy that arises when someone experiences a real or anticipated loss (a partner’s attention, status, a relationship, a role, or a formerly available object of desire) and responds with fear, longing, or anger toward perceived rivals or reminders of that loss.
As with most jealousy, this can have roots in early attachment injury or perceived scarcity and comparison. It can also come from grief and mourning.
The feelings associated with jealousy from loss can be layered. The emotions may feel like sadness and yearning but may also manifest as anger, suspicion, and entitlement. According to ScienceNewsToday.org, cognitively it produces intrusive comparisons, rumination, imagined betrayals, or “what if” scenarios. Behaviorally, it can show up as monitoring, withdrawal, controlling requests, or, alternatively, clinging and attempts to regain closeness.
This form of jealousy can be very painful, yet it points to what a person values and to unmet attachment needs. When reflected on compassionately, it can guide repair (if the loss is reparable), boundary-setting (if the loss reveals mismatched values), or meaning-making and reorientation (if the loss is permanent). Another reminder: looking at our emotions consciously, passively, and without judgment allows us to work through them with the least amount of suffering.
I used AI to help find ways to work with these feelings.
Practical ways to work with it
Name the loss and the emotion
Say aloud or write what exactly was lost and what I am most afraid of losing now.
Separate grief from blame
Practice language that distinguishes mourning what was from accusations of others; this reduces escalation.
Grounding and self-soothing practices
Use short breaths, body checks, or sensory anchors to reduce rumination when jealous thoughts arise.
Re-story and meaning-making
Journal or speak with a trusted listener to translate the jealousy into a coherent story about needs, values, and next steps.
Relationship interventions when appropriate
If the jealousy plays out inside a relationship, use vulnerability (I-messages, limits, requests for information) rather than surveillance or punishment to invite repair.
Source: Psychology Today The Art of Navigating Jealousy | Psychology Today (The Art of Navigating Jealousy | Psychology Today )
Checking in with yourself and staying conscious about what is real, what is perceived, and what you can control can be useful tools for mindfully minimizing the suffering jealousy can create. If the feelings are overwhelming and intrusive, it may also indicate that it’s time for help from a therapist, friend, or coach.
Maybe I can help you work through jealousy. I’ve been there. I am not immune to it, but it no longer controls my behavior, and that hasn’t always been the case.