Perfectionism vs. Excellence

I don’t know if I still identified as a perfectionist when I learned about a recent opportunity to level up, because my perspective changed so much that the moment became a clear “before and after.”

I was listening to a Mel Robbins podcast where she interviewed Emma Grede on an episode titled “If you only listen to one podcast today, make it this one.”

The topic of perfectionism came up and Emma clearly stated, “Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for excellence.” A light bulb went on for me, but not as quickly as it did for Mel, who said something like, “Oh… I get it. Perfect is defined by others. Excellence is a choice we define for ourselves.” And boom — I was inspired to sort “what I want” into one of those two categories. Do I really want to write a book? Actually, “author” isn’t an identity I aspire to; it’s an accolade assigned to me by my co-therapist, and I thought if I were to be a perfect life coach I would absolutely need to publish a book.

In my twenties, before Evan came, I earned an associate’s degree at the State College of Florida. I did not complete a bachelor’s degree or pursue any advanced degrees after that. I didn’t give it much thought until a former partner started mentioning it in passing, and later more directly: “I think you need some letters after your name,” and similar comments. I didn’t consciously notice his influence at the time, but I began shopping for undergraduate programs.

About a week after I listened to Mel’s podcast with Emma, I realized I don’t want an undergraduate degree — or at least I don’t think I need one — and I’ve never had my own aspiration to be an author. I love writing my blog posts, and I’m not opposed to writing a book someday when I feel inspired in that context. For now, my definitions of excellence don’t include publishing a book or earning a degree. I am learning, growing, and evolving. I am becoming, and who I become will be entirely my vision, my version of excellence. Perfectionism has left the chat.