Embracing the Complexity of Anger

I never really gave much thought to anger as an emotion. More often, what I felt was irritation—a quiet undercurrent that, if unnoticed, could register as anger to those around me. This realization hit home when I was partnered with a man whose significant mental health challenges and fixed, victim-oriented mindset led him to project his own anger onto me. The pain was deep, and the experience reshaped my understanding of this powerful

emotion. Now, with the clarity that comes from solitude and self-discovery, I see that even the suffering carried wisdom and growth.

My hypnotherapist once told me that anger builds in the liver. While my liver function was fine, the idea of storing anger in the body resonated with me. Traci, my guide through those early transformative sessions, shared a powerful success story—a woman who catapulted her business exponentially by releasing the anger that held her back. Traci also taught me that anger is a natural, protective human emotion. In one of our sessions, she inscribed a message in my hypnosis:

“When I am angry, I allow the anger to do what it needs to do.”

Her insight remains a touchstone in my journey, reminding me to honor anger without letting it consume my better nature.

I began studying anger with the intention of shedding it for the sake of my partner, who was suffering intensely during that phase. Over time, I realized that every moment spent less in anger equaled more space for peace, joy, and a richer experience of life.

From Chris Voss’ book Never Split the Difference I learned “as an emotion, anger is rarely productive. In you or the person you're negotiating with. It releases stress hormones and neurochemicals that disrupt your ability to properly evaluate and respond to situations and it blinds you to the fact that you're angry in the first place. Which gives you a false sense of confidence. That's not to say that negative feelings should be ignored.”

How to Navigate and Transform Anger

1. Recognize and Honor Your Feelings

Acknowledge that anger, like any emotion, signals areas in your life that require attention. Instead of judging yourself for these feelings, give them space to be, observing them as opportunities to understand what might be lacking or unaddressed.

2. Tune Into Your Body

Physical sensations such as tension, a quickened heartbeat, or shallow breathing are often the body's way of communicating that anger is present. Engage in mindful practices like body scanning or deep, rhythmic breathing—allow these sensations to be noticed, then gently guide them toward calm.

3. Reframe Your Narrative

Transform your story of anger from a tale of conflict into one of growth. Journaling can be a powerful tool here; ask deep questions like: “What underlying need is this anger trying to express?” Over time, you may reframe your internal dialogue to see anger more as an ally pointing toward areas needing change.

4. Create Constructive Outlets

Channel the energy of anger into creative or physical pursuits. Whether it’s through exercise, art, or mediation, these outlets provide a way to release pent-up energy without letting it fester. Even a brisk walk outdoors can pivot your mindset from reaction to reflection.

5. Seek Professional Support When Needed

Just as Traci’s guidance transformed my approach to anger, professional support—be it counseling, hypnotherapy, or other modalities—can offer personalized strategies to manage anger effectively. Releasing anger isn’t about eliminating it altogether, but about transforming its energy into one that fuels personal growth and authentic connection.

6. Reflect and Adjust

After employing these methods, take time to reflect on what works best for you. Anger’s nuances are unique to each of us, so remain open to experimenting with various approaches. Celebrate each moment of regained peace as a victory on your journey toward a balanced and enriched life.

By reshaping how we view and interact with anger, we transform it from a disruptive force into a catalyst for personal evolution. This journey is intensely personal, yet the practices that have helped me may also resonate with you. How do you currently engage with your moments of anger? What small change might you try today to turn that energy into something empowering?

I look forward to delving deeper into this conversation with you.